Let them smile and shut up.

Sadly the time draws near for the Academy Awards. I say "sadly" because we have been bombed over the last fortnight with increasingly detailed information concerning the public and personal lives of the motion picture icons selected as "nominees." I say "sadly" because the hype wore thin a long time ago for me; it is similar to the political campaign which recently ended in November, which took on an odd rock-star persona. No doubt I am alone in this, but it is not significant at all who wins "Best Supporting Actress" this year (or any year) and I just don't care!

I don't feel that pressing issues are denied coverage at the expense of Oscar-mania. It is that I feel the amount of news time and non-news time devoted to the subject tends to convince some of the great unwashed that movie stars are the great and wise of our time. They take on heroic stature. They are incessantly interviewed about their lives, their loves, the roles they portray and the futures of their careers. Stars are consulted regarding their views of modern mores and their political opinions. Sightings of these people at restaurants and celebrations are reported as newsworthy events with the same energy that would be appropriate announcing a cancer cure.

Some stars believe the hype themselves. They make pronouncements on the issues of the day, having been insulated from the real life of real people by money, publicists and adoring fans. They flaunt convention by ignoring mainstream religious values, by living together and bearing children without the benefit of marriage and by changing partners in these enterprises with astounding rapidity. Yet they are celebrated for their glamour and leadership, perhaps feeling that fame somehow also confers wisdom and authority on themselves .

Hold on. Some of this goes way back with celebrities. Gable and Lombard defied convention in the thirties as Brad and Angelina do today. Nothing really new here, but it is the intensity of the worship that is remarkable to me.

Rarely are the characters of these folks intensely examined. They are glossed up by the media machine but seldom are these icons subjected to an honest examination of who they are and never are they held accountable. Few serve in the armed services. Many have had (or still have) substance abuse problems. Legions of stars are popular for their outspoken criticism of our own country but we are never informed of their qualifications to make such judgments. Did they even graduate from high school? Did they study political science? Did they lose a loved one in the World Trade Center? Are they firmly grounded in life itself? Do they form their opinions in the quiet luxury of their Gulfstream, or have they ever flown economy on USAirways?

So I can't do it. I can't watch the Oscars this year, just as I haven't for the last few. One more self-righteous rant during an acceptance speech may put me into an apoplectic fit. Another snotty ad-libbed comment in defiance of the war, or in support of Hamas will topple me into incontinence.

But just as the election ended, this is just about over for awhile.

Who do I see about this?

The girls in the dispatch office always have a celebrity magazine laying around; People, Us, In Touch and their ilk. I just perused one, and I swear, some of those people must exist only to be in celebrity magazines. They don't show up in mainstream anything. They don't sing or act--well or at all. They don't host TV shows or tell jokes. They are of questionable athletic ability. With no visible talents, why, why, WHY are these people famous?

Of course I exaggerate. Some of them are in obscure cable TV shows. Some have an obscure album in the backwater of the music business. Others have appeared briefly in some ill-advised cinematic endeavor. Still yet others have modeled clothing, or a notable lack of it, and caught the eye of an aggressive public relations operative.

I call it the Paris Syndrome, honoring their queen: Paris Hilton. I know I am not breaking new ground here but she slipped into the public eye doing nothing more adept than attending the parties of her rich, young, obnoxious peers. Once the eye focused, we learned she can't sing or act, and has no credentials as a political analyst. Neither has she displayed a simple ability to drive a car, which passed her briefly into the custody of Los Angeles corrections authorities. Unlike other budding young female icons, she isn't even particularly attractive.

Paris Syndrome peoples' real profession is a liberal spending of their -- or their parents' -- money. Money for dance clubs with $20 beers, money for parties, money for travel to parties often conducted in foreign countries and money for overpriced, ugly designer clothes. None of them seem to add any value to society beyond posing for photos.

So my guess is they really don't care about acting or singing or working to create their own fame, as much as to have fame just find them. With the profusion of Entertainment Tonight and her sisters on television, and the urban-phonebook sized stack of celebrity periodicals it is incresingly more likely to be found. Paris was found. They found such superstars as Andrea Bowen, Audrina Partridge and Seth Green.

Who?